tainted love

“Good morning, sir. May I help you?”

“Yes, I would like some love.”

“What kind of love, sir?”

“The kind that makes me happy.”

“And would you like happy-love-occasionally, sometimes, or most of the time?”

“What? Look, lady, I’m tired of being miserable! I want always, happy-love-always!”

 “We don’t have always, sir. Humans weren’t programmed to be happy always.”

“Fine. I’ll take most of the time then.”

“Uh…one moment…Sorry, it’s unavailable. The woman before you took our last one.”

“Guess sometimes will have to do, then.”

“For how long? One week, month or…ah…let me see…yes, we still have years-”

“Years.”

“How many?”

“As many as you can give me.”

“Impossible, sir. We don’t sell love for eternity but what we offer is good compared to what’s in the market nowadays.”

“Look, I’m a simple man. Don’t complicate my life.”

“We’re not here to complicate your life, sir. We want our customers to be happy, but I can only give you three, four, maximum five years. The woman before you also took the maximum we had.”

“I’ll take five. How much?...That’s outrageous! Don’t have that kind of money!”

“But you want love and love’s expensive and can be very difficult to find.”

“That’s why I came here, but I want the lasting kind, not any of this bullshit!”

“Then you’ll have to try the Dream On store next door. Maybe they can help you. Here we only sell tainted love.”

“Never mind. I’ll just find that woman. Ah…What was her name?”